there is a reason i am not friends with you

this post is far overdue.

facebook has recently added a new feature:  people you may know.

i hate it.  it should be renamed "people you went to high school with and hate".  okay, hate is a strong word, but i certainly do not like anyone on that fucking list, because if i did i would be friends with them already.  its stupid and pointless and just reminds me how many people i went to high school with that i didnt like.

i think facebook needs to calm the fuck down on adding all these new applications and whatnots and just enjoy being the most awesome social networking site online.

cuz you know you dropped your myspace after you got a facebook.

be honset.

toodles

alli? more like enemy

first of all, id like to officially announce i no longer have any intentions to keep up this blog.  this will simply be a place where i can bitch about shit.  so sorry reader.

now that that is out of the way, let me enlighten you on the diet pill known as alli.

alli is a weight loss supplement pill.  if you are familiar with the commercials, you know their tag line is, are ready for alli?  and according to alli, if you are not ready, you may experience treatment effects.

the following is, what i like to call, the greatest hits from alli's website.  ill provide commentary in italics.

What are treatment effects?

alli™ works by preventing the absorption of some of the fat you eat. The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as treatment effects. You may get:

• gas with oily spotting
• loose stools
• more frequent stools that may be hard to control

in other words, expect wet farts and shitting your pants.

The excess fat that passes out of your body is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.

thats funny cuz i dont know about you but i have always thought my shit looked like something you would eat on a pizza.

Learning how to manage treatment effects is an important part of being successful with alli. Here's how to take control:

• Start trimming fat from your diet now, even before you begin taking alli. Then pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect. Make the timing work for you. If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over

so basically, alli confines you to your house so if you shit your pants, your are in the comfort of your own home.

• You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work

yes, because dark pants are the perfect way to hide the fact you had a shitsplosion in your pants.

• You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens

cuz you let one rip, you may just need that change of clothes.

• You can use a food journal to recognize what foods can lead to treatment effects. For example, writing down what you eat may help you learn that marinara sauce is a better option than Alfredo sauce

im sorry, but i do not need a food journal to tell me marinara sauce is a better choice than alfredo.  and if you do need a food journal to tell you that, you deserve anal leakage.

anyway, i thought you might enjoy that.  i know i certainly did.

i also want to share an experience i had recently.  now, its often i see people i went to high school with on campus.  its not uncommon cuz like half of my fucking school went here.  about nine times out of ten i dont like this person, but usually i dont mind it, because whoever it is i see understands we dont have to pretend we know each other and just pass like strangers would. 

however this time, i was forced to have interaction, similar to ones you would have the with person behind you in line at the grocery story.  and the situation quickly becomes awkward because both of you know that you know each other and more importantly you know the other person knows you.  yet you are both knowingly acting like you dont know each other as an attempt to not have awkward conversation.

following?

yea, so its stupid and my suggestion to avoid this from ever happening to you would to be run far away anytime you see someone you know but would rather not talk to.

toodles