seriously?

snl fans that still watch the show are familiar with the weekend update segment, "really!? with seth and amy".  well, i would like to start my own version called "seriously?".  here goes.

nothing says brokeback mountain like a tree, right?

let me explain.

so ive gotten into the habit of changing the icons for my applications and folders 'n such, so much so i check apple downloads every few days or so to see what new icons are available.  well, this last time i happen to stumble upon a set of brokeback mountain themed icons.  the set of four includes two cowboy hats (of course), a shotgun (okay...), and a tree (WHAT?!).

im sorry but at what point in the movie did you decide that everytime you see a fucking tree you will immediately think of brokeback mountain?  i mean, yes, there were trees in the movie.  lots  of them actually.  and i could understand including the tree in a set of maybe 50 or 30 themed icons, but 4?  FOUR!?  i simply do not understand the thought process behind that decision. seriously.

toodles

there is a reason i am not friends with you

this post is far overdue.

facebook has recently added a new feature:  people you may know.

i hate it.  it should be renamed "people you went to high school with and hate".  okay, hate is a strong word, but i certainly do not like anyone on that fucking list, because if i did i would be friends with them already.  its stupid and pointless and just reminds me how many people i went to high school with that i didnt like.

i think facebook needs to calm the fuck down on adding all these new applications and whatnots and just enjoy being the most awesome social networking site online.

cuz you know you dropped your myspace after you got a facebook.

be honset.

toodles

alli? more like enemy

first of all, id like to officially announce i no longer have any intentions to keep up this blog.  this will simply be a place where i can bitch about shit.  so sorry reader.

now that that is out of the way, let me enlighten you on the diet pill known as alli.

alli is a weight loss supplement pill.  if you are familiar with the commercials, you know their tag line is, are ready for alli?  and according to alli, if you are not ready, you may experience treatment effects.

the following is, what i like to call, the greatest hits from alli's website.  ill provide commentary in italics.

What are treatment effects?

alli™ works by preventing the absorption of some of the fat you eat. The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as treatment effects. You may get:

• gas with oily spotting
• loose stools
• more frequent stools that may be hard to control

in other words, expect wet farts and shitting your pants.

The excess fat that passes out of your body is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.

thats funny cuz i dont know about you but i have always thought my shit looked like something you would eat on a pizza.

Learning how to manage treatment effects is an important part of being successful with alli. Here's how to take control:

• Start trimming fat from your diet now, even before you begin taking alli. Then pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect. Make the timing work for you. If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over

so basically, alli confines you to your house so if you shit your pants, your are in the comfort of your own home.

• You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work

yes, because dark pants are the perfect way to hide the fact you had a shitsplosion in your pants.

• You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens

cuz you let one rip, you may just need that change of clothes.

• You can use a food journal to recognize what foods can lead to treatment effects. For example, writing down what you eat may help you learn that marinara sauce is a better option than Alfredo sauce

im sorry, but i do not need a food journal to tell me marinara sauce is a better choice than alfredo.  and if you do need a food journal to tell you that, you deserve anal leakage.

anyway, i thought you might enjoy that.  i know i certainly did.

i also want to share an experience i had recently.  now, its often i see people i went to high school with on campus.  its not uncommon cuz like half of my fucking school went here.  about nine times out of ten i dont like this person, but usually i dont mind it, because whoever it is i see understands we dont have to pretend we know each other and just pass like strangers would. 

however this time, i was forced to have interaction, similar to ones you would have the with person behind you in line at the grocery story.  and the situation quickly becomes awkward because both of you know that you know each other and more importantly you know the other person knows you.  yet you are both knowingly acting like you dont know each other as an attempt to not have awkward conversation.

following?

yea, so its stupid and my suggestion to avoid this from ever happening to you would to be run far away anytime you see someone you know but would rather not talk to.

toodles

oh tyra!

so i was watching an episode of tyra where she had a bunch of top model rejects talking about their cycles and blah blah who cares.  at the beginning tyra tells the audience how one day top model was just this idea in her head and now its in 120 countries and whatever.  then she says, and i quote, "the ratings are just second to american idol."  

now tyra, your audience may be a few fries short of a happy meal but they certainly are not dumb enough to believe that the only show more people watch than top model is american idol.  the only instance where i could believe antm comes in second to idol is the list of most watched shows with america in the title.

seriously.

toodles

its been a while....

'ello readers.

so it seems that i have neglected to update my blog.  but dont fret, it was not unintentional.  i just havent had anything to write about.  i know that none of you really care how boring my life is.  i mean, i wouldnt care about my boring life if i was someone else, so yea.  

anyway, not a whole lot of complaints to make.  american idol did another week of beatles songs, which was stupid cuz there were not that many good performances the first time.  so as you could imagine, the final 11 blew no one anyway.  although kristy lee cook wants to "blow simon out of his socks."  direct quote.

dancing with the stars started this week.  i must say, i am quite impressed with the amount of celebrity they have for this season.  after last season's start quality, abc could have convinced america i was famous.  but DWTS has really rounded up some serious C level celebrities.  (thats right, i abbreviated, how do you like me now?!)

also, if you get a chance, go see matt nathanson in concert.  he is very good live, and extremely entertaining.  funny and talented.

i guess that is it for now.  its spring break and im le tired.

toodles.

attn: the carpet no longer matches the drapes

yes ladies and gentz, i dyed my hair.  by myself.  and it is awesome.

   

its suppose to be light auburn.  its kinda hard to tell in the pictures but its much lighter than my natural color.  and its got red in it too.  anyway, i just wanted to share.

in other news, its been a big week for flaming homosexuals.  one of them won the fourth season of project runway and another got booted of idol, causing mass amounts of tearage.  now, in christian's case, i cant say i really loved his collection, but i didnt really love rami or jillian's either.  his certainly was the most dramatic and was the most show, but rami and jillian both had more wearable and marketable clothes, which ultimately a designer needs because what good are they if they cant sell their clothes.  do i think christian deserved to win?  absolutely.  he is a brilliant designer with tremendous talent and impeccable tailoring skills.  but i really think each designer had a good case for the win, which really speaks to how much talent there was on this season.

which brings me to another reality, who likes to think its the most talented season ever.  when in fact, it is not.  i would say out of the sixteen contestants left before they chose the top twelve, i liked maybe five.  FIVE.  like seriously, what the fuck idol?  and thanks america, you got my favorite little homo kicked off.  who by the way, has a HIlarious christmas video on youtube.  seriously, watch it.  but yea idol has a couple good singers, most of whom wont win but will probably end up more successful then the winner anyway.  ugh, whatever.

tomorrow im going shopping for new clothes, but i promise i wont write about it.  this blog is not turning into one of those online diaries where all i do is talk about what a boring life i have.  talking about other peoples lives is just more fun.

toodles

(happy birthday linz!! <3)

hello friends

miss me?

so, friday i celebrated my favorite alcoholiday*, unofficial!!

for those of you that dont know, unofficial is short for unofficial st. patricks day.  see, at u of i, spring break is always during the week of st. patricks day, so a lot of students are not around to celebrate it.  well, some bar owner like ten years ago decided to do something about it, and official was born.  in the beginning, i imagine, unofficial was just a night to go out and celebrate st. patricks day.  now, its an all day drink fest.  basically you want to get as drunk as possible for as long as possible.  everybody gets all dressed is green clothes and parties all day.  like, unofficial is probably the only day of the year the majority of the student body wakes up before 9 am.  and they are up for one reason.  to drink.

anyway, i would hate to bore you with the details but ill just say that i had a very good unofficial.  so, to any of you readers who know someone at u of i, and you like to have a good time, i would strongly suggest getting yourself down to chambana next year for unofficial.

you will not regret it.

toodles

*sadly i can not take credit for that word, i did not make it up.